Pongal :Festival of Abundance

Pongal is a festival celebrated in Tamilnadu to mark the harvest of sugarcane, rice and turmeric and other crops. Thanksgiving is done to the Sun for providing energy for the crops, the rivers and canals for watering the crops and the cattle who helped by ploughing the fields and providing manure. It is also a time for the family and the whole village to get together to celebrate the bonds and connections before getting busy with the next round of activities for the year.

Pongal. literally translated means ‘to boil over’ …to me it signifies abundance - that there is so much that it spills over. The wish or prayer here ,is that the year ahead is filled with abundance of health and wealth, that the cup of joy overflows that one is able to get in touch with the abundance within ourselves and in the world outside.

For me the celebrations were a beckoning to get in touch with the abundance of the universe and the abundance of creativity and compassion within. The universe remains abundant , how much ever we take from it as much as we remain abundant as we shower compassion on the others around us.

Year after year as we harvest the benefits of our hard work, this festival is an opportunity to become aware that our successes would not have been possible without the earth unfailingly giving us the elements that we need to succeed. Space to cultivate our skills and expand our circle of influence, the fire to warm our spirit, victories and challenges to quench our ambition, wind beneath wings to fly high, shade when we needed respite, love, support and companionship of connection so that we feel we belong.

What comes to mind is the beautiful Sanskrit verse from the Upanishads

Om Purnam-Adah Puurnnam-Idam Puurnnaat-Puurnnam-Udacyate |
Puurnnasya Puurnnam-Aadaaya Puurnnam-Eva-Avashissyate ||
Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih ||

Which means 

“The outer universe is complete and infinite,

 The inner universe is complete and infinite

 The whole and infinite manifested from the whole and infinite and  

 When you take away the infinite from the infinite, the whole from the whole

 What is left is still complete/whole /infinite “

Whether it our outer universe or our inner universe. when we manifest and create with compassion …there is no depletion .in fact we continue to remain wholesome as long as we are aware our abundance.

Pongal is a wonderful opportunity for thanking the universe our Bhoomi /Gaia for our existence, for abundance in our lives.

My father , My hero

Happy 80^th birthday Appa!!

We are so blessed by your presence on this important milestone in your life.

You have witnessed a thousand new moons ..Your wisdom has always guided our lives and will continue to do so ..Your kindness and love ,  your sense of humor , your commitment towards your duties  and courage of conviction  have been the guideposts of how we shoud  lead our lives .You taught us that money is important but not everything , to lead full lives whether in a small flat or a big bunglow , to put family before anything else , to respect and care for elders , to be compassionate with those younger than us and those who are ignorant ,to be proud about our heritage and culture and country ..the list is endless .

You were a trend setter for the family ..refusing to take dowry or “see” a parade of girls when you got married , encouraging Amma to study further even after we were born , bring us [Aparna and me ] up to believe we were capable of just about anything and making us independent enough  to choose our future careers and spouses . We grew up in a home where we were loved and cherished and each of us were allowed to have our own space and opinion and “agree to disagree” if required .We felt safe , accepted and competent at home .

You showered your grandchildren with infinite love and acceptance , spoilt them with sweets , gifts and whatever they wanted to do ..sometimes fighting with us to help them get their way !!They loved your jokes and pranks too ...

Professionally you achieved great heights …being ranked 21 in the All India services exam 1960, a top performing officer in the Indian Railways who spearheaded computerization of Indian Railways in 1972[Chittaranjan] ..deputed to ISRO for 5-6  years[1975- 1981 ]where you were the Assistant Project Director for India’s Satellite projects [INSAT] and set up the Master Control Facility in Hassan .In this period  were working with the likes of our former president Abdul Kalam .Later you moved to Public sector for family reasons [again takes courage to leave a glowing career for family] and retired as Executive director @HMT in Bangalore .

You were passionate about reading and tennis /fitness and later Sanskrit , Tirupugah and spirituality .You published several rare books in Sanskrit the major one being “RamaAshtapati by Rama Kavi “ with Tamil and English Transliteration and meanings ..this was converted from “Grantam script “

You also miraculously survived a major duodenal ulcer hemorrhage twice in your life [at 30 and 55] and also pulled yourself out of a mid life crisis ..depression at age 50 . Each time you bounced back with more zest for life ..teaching us the most important lesson that in life tough times will come , we will make wrong choices and decisions ..What matters it is how you deal  with it , learn from it and bounce back  . You have now been ill for the past 5 years with chronic pain and depression but you still manage to smile faintly for us .Thank you J

Some of the sayings you lived by are

“When the going gets tough ...the tough get going”

“Yogah Karmasu Kausalam”  [Whatever you do ..do well ]

Praying that God keeps you healthy and happy and in his gracious care …

Akila

Preventing Sexual Abuse

While the world is getting more and more unsafe for children as they grow up and step outside the protective circles ..abuse ..especially sexual abuse ,research shows, has  been perpetuated mostly by someone in the close circle . 

So while we work on safety we need to realise that one of the most important aspects of keeping children safe is to educate them and make them aware about just not sexual abuse but also sex and physical/emotional abuse .

1. Teach your children about sex …

Not just good and bad touch ………….but as they grow older  good sex and bad sex

..For example one could say that good sex is between consenting partners and is something you will not regret in the future. And masturbation is good sex too [sometimes the best as it does not have any bad consequences!!

Bad sex is when you do not like it or the other person and may regret the consequences physically [pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, pain] or emotionally [trauma of abuse, promiscuity]

2.Teach them that sex is normal...all living beings and humans have sex and each one of us are a product of sex good or bad ;-).Its okay to talk about it , think about it and engage in it .Also use the real words like breasts , penis , vagina etc ..We all have it just as we have eyes nose, ears and skin!!

This  helps to relieve some of the guilt and shame and even the curiosity when the topic is literaly under the wraps .

3. Teach children to communicate their thoughts and feelings, to exert choices...then only they can say NO when they realize something is “bad sex” or “abuse” .

If we do not allow them to say “NO” when they do not want to wear a dress we bought for them...to say NO when they want to eat a particular kind of food we do not approve of , or even choose their career line or future partner..How can we expect them to say NO only to bad sex??

Many children who are victims of physical and emotional abuse by close family members or someone from the inner circle ,or even emotional neglect ,  often are more vunerable to sexual abuse ...So we must teach children to say NO to physical and emotional abuse also !!

4. Teach children self defense...they need to know how to protect themselves when they are being abused physically or sexually...to run , to kick  to shout , to escape as applicable , to keep their phone on to record evidence …...

5. Teach children that sex is private...it is beautiful as long as it stays between two people...once it is out there it is ugly...be it good sex or bad sex.

Also to be careful even when they think it is good sex ...to stay alert and smart ...not to put themselves in vulnerable situations, to use protection like condoms etc.

6. Also as parents, teacher, elders...be open, available, and honest and set good examples. Please keep you sex private and do not expose kids to sexually explicit material at a young age [porn  , co - sleeping etc]  .


Share personal experiences with good and bad sex so that the children feel safe to talk about theirs J

SMILE

It is not as if I have not cried 

It is just that my tears have dried
It is not as if I do not care
It is just that I am too aware
Of the cost of a life
Of the despair of a wife
Of the price of war
There is no par

For death has knocked every door
The pretty, the sick, the rich, the poor,
And when a life is lost so young
When grief is suddenly sprung
On ageing parents
On hopeful hearts
On children, sweet
There is no respite

Yet we have to gather strength
Calm our minds and look ahead
With memories of those gone as beacon lights
Looking at those with worse plights
For life is hope
To live is to cope
We have to walk every mile
Therefore, smile.

............Dedicated to all those who leave us early .....in the service of the nation and some times claimed by life itself ............and those who they leave behind 

....inspired by my dear Padma Periamma who has shown us how to live with dignity and a smile ...and brought up my 3 lovely cousins on her own ..inspite of  death claiming Periappa so early .

I breathe ,I feel , I live

I had to give away my courage and strength

And adopt vulnerability and fear

I had to stop giving and start receiving gracefully

I had to make friends with my smallness

I had to stop seeking and start giving

I had to draw on my own wisdom 

I had to throw clarity out of the window

And make peace with confusion and chaos

I had to give up the need for beauty and perfection

And love my inabilities and ugliness

And now I breathe ,I feel , I live ...

Ganapati Bappa Moriya

My earliest memories of Ganesh Chaturthi are from Mumbai 1970-72 time frame. I was about 4-5 years old and we used to live in the 2^nd floor apartment, C block of the Badhwar Park Railway colony, Mumbai. The balcony from our flat overlooked the sea those days [before reclamation] and lorries of Bappas’ used to be brought here for immersion.

So all day long I would sit at the balcony watching the processions, the frenzied beating of the drums, the interesting dances and the familiar chants of “Ganpati Bappa Moriya Pudhchya Varshi Lavkaryaa"” which I would sometimes join in.  Each of the statues of  Ganpati Bappa was so unique...some very creatively made and some made an impact by their sheer size.

More recently while I was doing some reflection during a self development workshop I had a vision of the Ganpati “visarjan” [immersion] scene all over again and I took it as sign to explore the meaning of the festival, deity and the visargan.

Ganapati signifies the Lord of all the Ganas or all the groups of the universe...the deity who brings order in chaos .Ganesha is the energy which helps things manifest and dissolve in the universe  .He also signifies remover of obstacles especially ignorance which is removed by the light of wisdom  .

When we create a murthy of Ganapati we take great care, sift the clay, use the right amount of water and lovingly carve out the murthy just as Maa Parvati did when she created him from the dirt of her body. The elephant head …full of wisdom and insights was given to him by his father and we pray to him that we be blessed with this wisdom to overcome all obstacles both outside us and within us. We decorate and venerate this idol for a few days and then we bid it adieu in the grandest manner and send it back to Mother earth   .

Ganapati puja @Amaze 2015 

As I explore these meanings and the significance of Ganesha in my life , I experienced  a  letting go of the past and my image as what my parents and elders had created while keeping the essence of their collective wisdom and making way for sculpting new emergent me  . I feel inspired to redefine myself and to learn new skills and hone my old ones and to look at so called obstacles in my life as opportunities for learning and change.

As we create Bappa once again this year with the students  @Amaze, I experience this process once again..of creating with utmost love and care , infusing with wisdom and energy , nurturing  the growth and honing of skills overcoming challenges and actualizing ones goals , feeling the peace and satisfaction of achievement and   letting go of what is not needed or available anymore .

AMEYA the one with boundless potential ..may you be always be alive in our being . 

India Coffee House [ICH] ,Bangalore

India Coffee House[ICH] on MG Road , Bangalore was quite a landmark back in 1989…a few shops ahead of GangaRam’s the most popular Book store then ..It was perhaps the only place you could catch a good coffee and snack in that area while you are in that area . This was the time when there were no Barton centers ,Malls , Metro Rails or Fast food joints for that matter  .Bangalore was still very much garden city and much less concrete and one could saunter across MG Road and cross it quite easily .

It was the 28^th of August 1989 and I was sitting across the table sharing  a quick coffee and a plate of cutlets served with ketchup with a friend and colleague .He had called me up the previous day and told me he had something important and urgent to share so could we meet up ?? It was a Monday and I was trying to complete a project for my one year course with NCC,UK  through Apple computers who were   down the road ..Initially I was hesitant as I had loads of work to do but he was persistent so I told him I could perhaps take a very short break that afternoon and meet at him at ICH .

We knew each other for over a year and had done some audits together as we worked for the same firm  . There were a few other girls in the office but he was the only guy among the CA interns and the gang [about 5 of us] was pretty close .From the tone of his voice I sensed he was very nervous about whatever he was going to share. I invited my project partner to come with me for the coffee but she refused saying that she did not know this person.

Around 3:30 pm I walked up to ICH and was there in a couple of minutes . He was there waiting for me and told me the downstairs was full …so we went upstairs and ordered our coffees. He still looked very nervous and I had no inkling why ..so I tried talking to him ..trying to gently probe as to what was bothering him ..But that seemed to make him more nervous so we moved onto some other general topics …friends , family  , exams , work ,life and  philosophy …these were the usual topics we talked about …

Suddenly out of the blue …it started happening ….he blurted out that he had started really  liking one person a lot …and asked me to guess who it was…At this moment for no reason my heart started pounding and I could see his palms were shaking too …but I still managed to reel out the names of few of our girlfriends as I was convinced it was one of them . He looked me straight in the eye, his hands stopped shaking and he said …”It is you “  .

 I have total memory loss as to what I said/felt or did for a couple of  minutes after that  .You see I have always been an utter romantic fool and ever since I was little and read fairy tales ..I had waited for my prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet . I could not believe it was happening to me in reality.

Somewhere in my teens I was shut off  all romantic  thoughts  ..I rejected all romantic overtures and  marriage was very far away on my cards .This was due a couple of horrible encounters with older  members of the opposite sex at that age  . My focus was to become  an independent career woman … technology fascinated me so I wanted to work on the IT industry and was working real hard ..perhaps for the first time in my life!!  My interactions with my colleagues were always very professional  .I did have very close friends who were males but that was it ..I shooed away any romantic thoughts that dared enter my brain as nonsense.

All at once  I felt all those walls break loose and I was falling into this magical wonderland and I could not do a thing about it  .  I heard him ask me what I feel about him and I remember mumbling back something about not ever thinking about him in that angle so needing some time and finally realizing that it was time to get back to my project and walking back with him till the Computer center .

On the way he said he was planning to share his feelings for me with his  parents  and he was very sure  I was the one . My heart at that very moment was saying “YES” but I controlled that urge  and told him that I could not find an immediate  reason to say no to him as I liked him as a person and a friend ...but I would think about it and talk to my parents first and get back to him as I usually shared everything with them this was something important .

I had taken the bus to the computer center that day …usually I would go around in my Luna [ a two wheeler that was popular and cheap those days and helped my Dad give me the title of a “Lunatic” !! ].I thank God for that as my mind was too preoccupied to ride the Luna . As I walked back home on 15^th main Malleswaram from my bus stop on Sampige road to my home about 15 minutes down the road ..it really sank in that I was actually falling in love with my dear friend …there was no logic to it…he had just said he liked me and that was enough to open my heart to him .There were many parts of him that I did not understand and some viewpoints that I never seemed to agree with him but all that faded into the background!!

We are now married for almost 24 years , we have struggled together with life and even with each other .... we have had the most wonderful times together too . We  have a lovely family which includes our two amazing children . 26 years later to the date , having spent half a lifetime together.. my heart still skips a beat when I look at  him or think about him …sometimes even after a we have had an horrible argument and I determine to not give in to my feelings !! …there is no logic to this and I guess that is why love is blind .Mamma Mia …here I go again ….

ICH no longer exists on MG road [It has moved to Church street ] ..but it lives in my heart ....it is the most magical place for me on earth where  my beautiful journey with the love of my life began. 

Photographs courtesy the internet !!