My father , My hero

Happy 80^th birthday Appa!!

We are so blessed by your presence on this important milestone in your life.

You have witnessed a thousand new moons ..Your wisdom has always guided our lives and will continue to do so ..Your kindness and love ,  your sense of humor , your commitment towards your duties  and courage of conviction  have been the guideposts of how we shoud  lead our lives .You taught us that money is important but not everything , to lead full lives whether in a small flat or a big bunglow , to put family before anything else , to respect and care for elders , to be compassionate with those younger than us and those who are ignorant ,to be proud about our heritage and culture and country ..the list is endless .

You were a trend setter for the family ..refusing to take dowry or “see” a parade of girls when you got married , encouraging Amma to study further even after we were born , bring us [Aparna and me ] up to believe we were capable of just about anything and making us independent enough  to choose our future careers and spouses . We grew up in a home where we were loved and cherished and each of us were allowed to have our own space and opinion and “agree to disagree” if required .We felt safe , accepted and competent at home .

You showered your grandchildren with infinite love and acceptance , spoilt them with sweets , gifts and whatever they wanted to do ..sometimes fighting with us to help them get their way !!They loved your jokes and pranks too ...

Professionally you achieved great heights …being ranked 21 in the All India services exam 1960, a top performing officer in the Indian Railways who spearheaded computerization of Indian Railways in 1972[Chittaranjan] ..deputed to ISRO for 5-6  years[1975- 1981 ]where you were the Assistant Project Director for India’s Satellite projects [INSAT] and set up the Master Control Facility in Hassan .In this period  were working with the likes of our former president Abdul Kalam .Later you moved to Public sector for family reasons [again takes courage to leave a glowing career for family] and retired as Executive director @HMT in Bangalore .

You were passionate about reading and tennis /fitness and later Sanskrit , Tirupugah and spirituality .You published several rare books in Sanskrit the major one being “RamaAshtapati by Rama Kavi “ with Tamil and English Transliteration and meanings ..this was converted from “Grantam script “

You also miraculously survived a major duodenal ulcer hemorrhage twice in your life [at 30 and 55] and also pulled yourself out of a mid life crisis ..depression at age 50 . Each time you bounced back with more zest for life ..teaching us the most important lesson that in life tough times will come , we will make wrong choices and decisions ..What matters it is how you deal  with it , learn from it and bounce back  . You have now been ill for the past 5 years with chronic pain and depression but you still manage to smile faintly for us .Thank you J

Some of the sayings you lived by are

“When the going gets tough ...the tough get going”

“Yogah Karmasu Kausalam”  [Whatever you do ..do well ]

Praying that God keeps you healthy and happy and in his gracious care …

Akila

Preventing Sexual Abuse

While the world is getting more and more unsafe for children as they grow up and step outside the protective circles ..abuse ..especially sexual abuse ,research shows, has  been perpetuated mostly by someone in the close circle . 

So while we work on safety we need to realise that one of the most important aspects of keeping children safe is to educate them and make them aware about just not sexual abuse but also sex and physical/emotional abuse .

1. Teach your children about sex …

Not just good and bad touch ………….but as they grow older  good sex and bad sex

..For example one could say that good sex is between consenting partners and is something you will not regret in the future. And masturbation is good sex too [sometimes the best as it does not have any bad consequences!!

Bad sex is when you do not like it or the other person and may regret the consequences physically [pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, pain] or emotionally [trauma of abuse, promiscuity]

2.Teach them that sex is normal...all living beings and humans have sex and each one of us are a product of sex good or bad ;-).Its okay to talk about it , think about it and engage in it .Also use the real words like breasts , penis , vagina etc ..We all have it just as we have eyes nose, ears and skin!!

This  helps to relieve some of the guilt and shame and even the curiosity when the topic is literaly under the wraps .

3. Teach children to communicate their thoughts and feelings, to exert choices...then only they can say NO when they realize something is “bad sex” or “abuse” .

If we do not allow them to say “NO” when they do not want to wear a dress we bought for them...to say NO when they want to eat a particular kind of food we do not approve of , or even choose their career line or future partner..How can we expect them to say NO only to bad sex??

Many children who are victims of physical and emotional abuse by close family members or someone from the inner circle ,or even emotional neglect ,  often are more vunerable to sexual abuse ...So we must teach children to say NO to physical and emotional abuse also !!

4. Teach children self defense...they need to know how to protect themselves when they are being abused physically or sexually...to run , to kick  to shout , to escape as applicable , to keep their phone on to record evidence …...

5. Teach children that sex is private...it is beautiful as long as it stays between two people...once it is out there it is ugly...be it good sex or bad sex.

Also to be careful even when they think it is good sex ...to stay alert and smart ...not to put themselves in vulnerable situations, to use protection like condoms etc.

6. Also as parents, teacher, elders...be open, available, and honest and set good examples. Please keep you sex private and do not expose kids to sexually explicit material at a young age [porn  , co - sleeping etc]  .


Share personal experiences with good and bad sex so that the children feel safe to talk about theirs J

SMILE

It is not as if I have not cried 

It is just that my tears have dried
It is not as if I do not care
It is just that I am too aware
Of the cost of a life
Of the despair of a wife
Of the price of war
There is no par

For death has knocked every door
The pretty, the sick, the rich, the poor,
And when a life is lost so young
When grief is suddenly sprung
On ageing parents
On hopeful hearts
On children, sweet
There is no respite

Yet we have to gather strength
Calm our minds and look ahead
With memories of those gone as beacon lights
Looking at those with worse plights
For life is hope
To live is to cope
We have to walk every mile
Therefore, smile.

............Dedicated to all those who leave us early .....in the service of the nation and some times claimed by life itself ............and those who they leave behind 

....inspired by my dear Padma Periamma who has shown us how to live with dignity and a smile ...and brought up my 3 lovely cousins on her own ..inspite of  death claiming Periappa so early .